Texas T's and The Queen Invade Jamaica

Hedonism II has one of the Highest repeat visitor rates in the Caribbean. Something over 50%. That's got to say something.

Hedonism II is a beautiful (and mature) resort and the people (both the folks that work there and the people who stay there) are very nice. You get sort of a visual overload there. It’s said that the patrons at this place are very, VERY(!) friendly.

And it’s true….but the Queen and I didn’t speak to any one other than the hired help just about the entire time we were there. It was OUR vacation! Maybe we didn’t go for the same reasons that a lot of people go there, I don’t know.

The Queen and I chose Hedonism II because we were looking for a place to discover (or re-discover) something that we seem to lose track of in our day to day existence.

Romance? Oh YES! Opportunities for romance abound!
Sexy? Oh Yeah...
Sensual? Oh Yes, Almost to the point of overload.
Would we go back? You betcha! But it will not be the only place we ever stay.

Did we find (at Hedonism II and in Jamaica) what we were looking for? Yeah…

By the time we left on this vacation we were exhausted. So we were in bed before 10 pm almost every night. The way the two of us tend to go, go, go in our every day lives, we would need to take a few days off BEFORE we go, to get rested up to go on vacation at someplace like this again.

I really wanted to party. But we were just too damn tired.

We were told by a lot of folks before we left that:

“Hedonism will change your life”.

Did it change ours? No, but it sure gave us a JUMPSTART! The things some people will do in public is surprising and sometimes quite arousing (!) If you people watch, and you have an open mind, this is a pretty good place for you.

You will see people doing things that you NEVER thought you would see in public. Just make sure not to look like you are looking.

In retrospect I don’t think it changed us too much although it did make us a little less inhibited than we were before!

I think the people of Jamaica are one of the best parts of our visit. How they manage to grind out a living under such adverse conditions is beyond me.

Most folk have nothing when they are born and probably have nothing most of their lives.

And they seem to still be happy for the most part. The differences between rich and poor here are astonishing. There are palatial homes right next to shanty shacks with dirt floors. Amazing.

Just the beauty of Jamaica is enough to keep you coming back again and again. But there are LOTS of places like that all over our blue planet.

In my travels, and let me tell you, I’ve got HIGH mileage, I have never seen a people who were so happy and willing to make sure that you are having a good time.

That, my friends, is why I will travel to Jamaica and Negril again.

Respect,

Texas T’s

Chapter XIV - TexasT’s and the Queen Get Evicted or Whattayamean I Gotta Go Back

2004-11-27T12:30:00.000-06:00

Went down to the grill for coffee and said good-bye to the queen of security, “Bye, mon. See you next time.” She’s got a pretty good job, I reckon. Pretty hard for a guest to give her a hard time and be taken seriously when they are naked.

Met a nice couple from San Antonio while we were sunning and swimming that morning before breakfast. Spent some time talking to them about what was wrong with the world, and what a better place it would be if everybody was naked. Again it’s pretty hard to give someone a hard time and be taken seriously when you are naked.

That BARES repeating: It’s pretty hard to give someone a hard time and be taken seriously when you are naked.

We went up to breakfast kind of sad cause it was our last day in Jamaica. We were taking the bus back to Montego Bay and had to be ready at lunch time. Think our flight was at three or three thirty. Superclubs has got a pretty cool deal going with Air Jamaica though. You can do a pre check in at the resort. But not until precisely 1000 AM. (yeah, right. Soon come, mon). Try ten thirty…Okay by me. I’m still on vacation.

So the Queen and I went back down to the room to get packed. CHECKED baggage must be outside your door by nine thirty. All this stuff is on your checkout ticket that’s put under your door the night before – The dreaded EVICTION notice!

So I trek back up the hill (no sense in both of us going up if we don't have to) to the Air Jamaica table with ID and tickets and such. Waited around for another half hour. Took care of all the Bullshit paperwork. And went down to the beach to meet the Queen for one last dip in the sea…

“Dammit! It’s been a week already?” was all I kept thinking.

Lunchtime soon come. Too damn soon if you ask me.

So we throw on street clothes and head up to find the bus back to Montego Bay.

“I don’t wanna go!”

“Get on the bus, T’s!”

It was everything the bus ride from Hell is reputed to be. About the time we got out of town, and it doesn’t take that long, as Negril is a small town, the skies opened up and it POURED all the way back to the Montego Bay! Now I’ve been told that this is kind of a hairy ride in good weather.

Road conditions were terrible. Pot holes and washouts galore.

Did I say the road conditions were TERRIBLE? It’s pretty much a white knuckled ride in the driving rain if you are uninitiated. But we had been on a couple of car/bus/taxi rides in the Caribbean so it wasn’t too bad for us. And I did get a free spinal alignment on that ride!

People drive flat out, pedal to the metal all over the Caribbean. What’s the rush, Man?

Stopped raining about the time we pulled into the city.

In retrospect: We would fly back to Montego Bay next time. More play time if you do that.
Not to mention the Queen has said, “Never again!!”

We get to the airport with fifteen minutes to spare before our flight was supposed to board. Forty five minutes later, we start to board and we get the Gestapo ticket agent at our gate, “PEOPLE! Form a Single file line against the WALL!! Against the WALL!!” It was pretty funny.

About then we notice the guys in front of us have on HEDOHOUSTON.COM t-shirts. (We didn’t find out until later but they have a big group that goes to H3 every year). We boarded and it was pretty much up, up and away!!!

A few Red Stripes later we were landing in Houston...

Chapter XIII - No Sheet, No Eat. That’s no Bullsheet!

2004-11-27T11:09:00.000-06:00

Our last night in Jamaica. This is also one of the nights that Hedonism II really rocks. The night of the Toga party and staff or guest talent show. The motto for Thursday is No Sheet – No Eat! And that’s no bullsheet!!

I arose early again, started the coffee in the little pot in the room and went out to look for the real coffee on the beach. Said “how’s tings,” to the queen of security at our end of the beach and headed off to the room to see if my Queen had deigned to arise. (she had) We threw some beach clothes into the beach bag and headed to the beach for an hour or so before breakfast.

I have trouble putting into words what the Caribbean sea does for me. But I could lay for hours just watching the colors of the water interacting with the sky and the sand and the rocks, trees, and everything else around. It just soothes my soul...The beach at Galveston does NOT have the same effect…I don’t think beaches any where else have the same effect except maybe for GRAND ANSE BEACH in Grenada. That’s another trip from another time…

We hung out at the beach for an hour and (met the guy who takes care of the beach) decided to head up for breakfast. They had SALTFISH and ACKEE this morning. The Queen took one look at that and said, “I don’t think so, T's,” and sauntered away to find something more conventional in the way of breakfast foods. I however, being the adventurous soul that I am, had determined to eat as much Jamaican food as I could. I had tried the curried goat, even though it didn’t look too appetizing for lunch or dinner one night (It was good). That being said…I did try a little saltfish and ackee. Went to traditional American type breakfast foods myself. It was very different. And must be a taste that is acquired, like Scotch. I’ll try again, next time.

Walked down through the prude beach (Why is it always desserted?) after breakfast to hit the beach again (HEAVY on that sunscreen, BOY!). Laid around til about 10:30 as we had scheduled to go to World Famous Rick’s Café for lunch with this nice girl from Noo York state that we had met. Jumped in the shower real quick! (Love those outdoor freshwater showers!) Headed up towards the entrance for our rendezvous. Hopped in the taxi we had booked and we were outta there!

The ride through town was again, eye opening, (The poverty in Jamaica is grinding) but mostly uneventful, aside from a couple of adrenalin rushes, (WE’RE GONNA DIE!!!) that is. We got to Rick’s and got a table out over the cliffs so as to watch the foolhardy (Read: Young) souls that were jumping off the cliff! I woulda done it when I was younger (Hell I would’ve led the charge!), but not today…

Can you spell CHICKEN? I knew that you could…

Kind of fun to watch though. They had to fish a couple of kids outta there that had hit wrong but I don’t think (while we were there at least) there were any serious injuries. The food was all right, nothing to right home about, though and very pricey…But our new friend from NOO York got some good pictures of people falling, I mean jumping, off the cliffs. But now we can say that we’ve been to the “world famous” Rick’s. Back in the taxi and buzzed through town and back to Hedonism.

We got back in time to catch the toga tying demonstration (!!) So with our our knot tieing strategy down... back to the beach for a few hours until we had to get ready for:

toga, Toga, TOGA, TOGA, TOGA!!!

We went back to the room to wash the grit off and get ready for dinner and the TOGA party. Did our regimen and it was still too early to go up for the party, so we decided to (Ahem) have a little together time and lay down for a little while….I rolled over to look at the clock at three AM. “shit...” Sleep. When we woke up again it was…early.

Chapter XII - The Queen and TexasT’s Are Settled In...or Am I Getting Too Old to

2004-11-26T18:38:00.000-06:00

Party all night? Did I mention we were exhausted?

We had just finished getting a massage on the beach. Again I must say if you EVER get the opportunity to get a massage on the beach, DO IT!!! We went and fell into a couple of beach lounges, utterly relaxed.

We spent pretty much the rest of the day roasting and toasting. Floating. Just chillin’. Readin’ and dozin’. People watching. Swimmin’. Utterly relaxed.

We had made a reservation for Pastafari, the Italian / Jamaican fusion restaurant on site. The food was pretty good there. They had an interesting menu and it got us out of the buffet line. It was Hot and Heavy! (Spicy and Bulky, I mean.)

Another thunderstorm in the evening knocked the power out for an hour or two. No problem, Mon! Soon come! After the power came back on. We turned in early this night as well. I thought it was just the massage and all the drinks we’d consumed that day, but…

Chapter XI - Gettin’ Rubbed the RIGHT Way!

2004-11-26T18:14:00.000-06:00

Coffee on the beach for me again, while the younger and better looking Queen was in the shower. Had a nice conversation with the QUEEN of Security (Don’ mess wi mi, mon!). The nude beach at Hedonism II is at the end of the property line and security is there all the time to keep interlopers (read: gawkers) out (or at least moving on). Can’t remember her name, either. I am terrible about that kind of shit!) But we were friendly for the rest of our time at the resort. I only called her the “queen of security” ‘cuz she looks like she could kick some serious ass!

Took the Queen her coffee so she could have a sip or two while I took care of my morning rituals and then we headed to the Massage shack to see if we could get a massage (each!) in the morning or whenever. They said they could accommodate both of us in about an hour and a half. Cool…time enough to walk to the dinning room for breakfast. After breakfast we slid by the room to drop off some excess stuff and went over to the beach for our massage(s). They took us both at the same time.

If you have never had a massage on the beach, DO IT at your first opportunity! Talk about gifts from Heaven!

What a great way to start the day!

It was early enough that the Jamaican staff were out and about, workin', talkin’ patois and you could (just) hear the surf hittin’ the likkle seawall.

There was the swish of the ceiling fans.

The sound of the beach guy arranging lounges and raking the beach.

It was too early for SEA DOO’s and other un natural forms of marine life to be out. It was just about perfect.

By the time it was over I was ready for them to just pour me in a beach chair.

We went from the massage shack to the beach chairs and fell into two and just laid there. The Queen was just glowing and I was at peace with the world. At Last!! (Of course it was temporary. But isn’t it always? This is the vibe that permeated my half of the trip.)

Our day had started wonderfully!

Chapter X – Doin’ the Tourist Thang!

2004-11-26T17:41:00.000-06:00

We hit the floor running in the morning(well, not really)! And as we were pretty hungry after coffee on the beach, we headed up to the dining room for breakfast. After breakfast we hit the beach.

After baking and basting for a couple of hours we gathered street stuff from our room and went up to the front to eat lunch and go by the tour desk to engage a taxi for the afternoon for a little shopping. After negotiating a price, (Can’t say what the price was ‘cuz I can’t remember) we were off to town.

First stop - The duty free shopping mall (?). At any rate we walked all those stores. Didn’t buy nuthin’. Guess we weren’t really out to buy jewelry. (Whew!) Although I would have if the Queen had found something that reached out and touched her.

Next stop – One of the Craft markets – before we got out of the cab, our driver warned us, “Okay, now these guys can be somewhat aggressive. When you get tired of it just come on back to the cab and we’ll get out of here.”

‘Somewhat Aggressive’ turned out to be a massive understatement.

As we stepped out of the cab, it was an instant barrage of shouting...

“Come over here!”

“Look at what I’ve made”

“Come see my things!”

"Hey! Come over here!"

I think we spent about an hour looking through all the stuff they’ve got there. Bought some small carvings and bead work.

Once you get past the salesman part of this, you see the real people. But it was exhaustive all the same.

Next stop - HiLo shopping plaza. Walked through the grocery store and the rest of the little mall as well. Got the kids some stuff and a couple of t-shirts for me. Bought five or six pounds of 'Certified Jamaican Blue Mountain Coffee'. What’s the name of the liquor store there? You can try the stuff…Cool concept. Well of course we hit that too.

By this time we were about shopped out so we had our driver head back to the resort. Besides we had a party to get ready for: PJ Night!

Once we got back to the resort, decided to hit the beach for a while before dinner. We had our PJ’s ready for the PJ party, later that day (actually it’s later, much later in the evening).

You know, there’s a lot to be said for basking on the beach and basting in the cool waters of the Caribbean sea with the one you love. It seemed especially good to me when I could reach over and rub my hand up and down her body and it is completely unencumbered by clothing. Not a stitch! And we are outside. Around other people. And nobody really cares. (or at least they are trying hard not to look like they are looking) And I'm naked too! What a rush! Kind of a turn on as well...

After a couple of drinks…All right we had a few, we decided to blow off dinner in the dinning room and get some jerk chicken from Robert’s Grill. A plus to eating on the beach - You don't have to worry about spilling on your clothes. After splitting two plates with the Queen, I was sated for a while, but she craved another plate. So while she went to the grill, I went to the bar and got us some more liquid refreshment. (LOVE those MUDSLIDES!!) About the time we were polishing off that last plate the afternoon rain started which sent everyone (but us) running for cover. We were already wet! And pleasantly buzzed, too! We were sitting in the pleasant shower giggling at the other folk who had run for cover, when JAH must’ve looked down from the heavens upon us and deciding we were being insolent, sent a gully washer down to where Texas T’s and the Queen happened to be sitting. HOLY SHIT!! That HURTS! Well, we weren’t laughing now! NO SIR!! WE WERE RUNNING FOR COVER LIKE THE REST!!! It was raining so hard, you couldn’t SEE!! Back in our room for the nonce (and severely chastened), we opted for a little (Ahem! All that rubbing her on the beach!) time alone and a little nap before the party…By the time we woke up...

It was…Wednesday

We both woke up at about the same time. Surprised and perturbed that we had missed the party of the night before. But again…No Problem! WE ARE on vacation.

Chapter IX – Drop ‘Em Cowboy!

2004-11-26T16:30:00.000-06:00

I know I have mentioned that Texas T’s and the Queen are not now nor have we ever been nudists and yes, I know we were naked last night (and out and about).

But that was at NIGHT! It’s a whole ‘nother thing do be doing this during the DAYLIGHT hours!!

Okay, I admit it…I lost my nerve. The Topless Queen said, “Well, maybe it’ll be easier for you in the pool.”

Can’t argue with irrefutable logic, can I? So we headed over to the pool, shucked and jumped in (Don’t have a CLUE why that DID seem to be easier). Found a spot up by the bar (in the shade, even), and introduced myself to Delroy, Hedo’s world famous bartender.

You know, I hafta wonder what the Jamaican folks who work at Hedonism think about all these crazy, naked people that come to stay at the resort. I meant to ask Delroy, but somehow never got around to it.

We spent a couple of hours in the pool, met a few nice folks, had some REAL good drinks. The pool continued to get more crowded. And Loud. And Rowdy. By this time the Queen noticed I was getting a likkle fried on my shoulders so we decided to head back to the room for some lotion. When we got back to the room noticed it was about lunch time. My how time flies... Any way we found this stuff before we left Texas that looks kinda Gel like with Aloe in it that works like nobody’s business. So I slathered my shoulders in that, threw a shirt and my swimsuit on and we went up for lunch.

As I said in one of the previous parts, meals were a mix of Jamaican and American foods (buffet style) and were usually quite good.

Decided to try the beach for the afternoon, what with all the alcohol and other party favors – no problems this time! (!) Whoosh! OFF with those clothes, man! Found a spot under one of those Sea Grape trees (at least I think that’s what they are), got a couple of lounges and layed out. When we got too hot, we’d find a couple of floats that weren’t in use and go float in the cool blue Caribbean. Ahh… You could see the steam rise when I hit the water. SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

We lounged around the beach or in the water all afternoon until the afternoon shower drove everyone off the beach. It rained till after dark that day. After a shower (inside) we headed up to dinner. We had reservations at the Scotch Bonnet.

Unfortunately what with the rain that evening, the bonnet didn’t open, as it is dinning Poolside. But no one ever told us and resort management never made an announcement. Grumble, grumble…We ended up eating at the dinning room. We were a little perturbed by that, but what the hell. We’re on vacation, Mon! No problem!

We hit the sack pretty early that night after a stop by the hot tub…and slept like stones.

Chapter VIII – Texas T’s and The Queen go Hedonistic

2004-11-26T16:02:00.000-06:00

We wake up in the morning to a beautiful day in Paradise. Feeling refreshed. Kind of surprising because we were so tired and didn’t hit the bed until after 200 AM.

Made some coffee in the little pot they have in the room, even though we know it’s going to be woefully inadequate, while we prepared to meet the day. Wait! There’s supposed to be coffee in a big urn by the grill. So while the Queen is in the shower, I take off to go down by the beach and check it out. It’s about 800AM, way too early by Hedonism standards, and the beach is mostly deserted, except for a few (like myself) early risers. The coffee urn is hot and ready to go, so I fill up a cup just to test it. Ahhhh…There it is, good, strong Jamaican coffee. Gotta be Blue Mountain.

Jamaica Blue Mountain coffee is one of the most sought after coffees in the world. This "Java of Kings" has been satisfying coffee connoisseurs around the globe for more than two centuries and is famous for its exquisite flavor, good acidity, a clean refined taste, unusual sweetness, excellent body and intense bold aroma.

This extraordinary coffee is grown in the majestic Blue Mountain range in Jamaica reaching approximately 7,402 feet at the highest peak, thus making it is one of the highest grown coffees in the world . An incredible mix of rich soil, cool and misty conditions, high rainfall and good soil drainage combined with expert care and stringent quality control grows the smoothest, richest and best Java in the world.

Coffee found its way to Jamaica in 1728 when Sir Nicholas Lawes, Governer of Jamaica, imported Arabica seedlings from the Island of Martinique. The new home was a natural and coffee production expanded. Government support and instruction in the art of cultivation allowed the industry to develop in reputation and quality.

I kind of wander the beach while I’m finishing that first cup, saying hello or good morning to the few fellow Hedonites that happen to be out and about.

I love the beach at this time of day (or earlier, if I can manage to get my lazy ass out of the rack!) when there are very few other people around. Kind of like the times when I’m the only person up at home (Only BETTER!). You know, no kids, no dogs or cats, no neighbors mowing or trimming or whatever it is they do on Saturday or Sunday mornings. I can drink my coffee, tea, or juice, have a smoke, and just let the morning soak in, before life catches up to me.

I return to the grill to make another cup for the Queen and myself and notice some one has placed a tray of danish and fresh fruit on the bar. I scoop some fruit onto a plate and head back to the room where she is waiting.

We pack the beach stuff into a bag and head up to the dinning room for breakfast.

After an eye popping breakfast (The things some of these people will wear!) we go up to the tour desk to make a reservation to eat at The Scotch Bonnet for dinner.

After that we head back down to the beach to catch some rays.

Chapter VII – A HARD Rain Gonna Fall!

2004-11-23T08:26:00.000-06:00

Have you ever been so tired (in combination with being so AMPED up) that you couldn’t sleep? After we washed the travel cooties off, we fell on the bed, trying to relax enough to close our eyes. But it just wasn’t going to happen. It was around this time that the daily shower came through.

Showers usually started between 3 and 5 pm and lasted from about half an hour to two hours. Gotta love the tropics!

The Queen and I saw more rain in a week in Jamaica than we’d had in July and August combined in east Texas.

We both love THUNDER STORMS. And this one was a real wiz banger, too! BIG BOOMS and Flashes! It was rattling the windows and raining HAAARRRD!!!!It was as if the land of JAH (Rasta version of the Supreme Being) were saying, “Welcome to JAMAICA (FLAA-AA-SSHHH!!!)! Have a nice little SHOW(er) for you this AFTERNOON (BBBBOOOO---MMM-OOOM)!” We just opened the curtains and the door to our little enclave, sat down on the little window seat and watched the magnificent display of raw, awesome power. And the people running for cover (!!)

After it stopped booming and flashing (about 40 minutes into the storm) the rain settled into a nice shower. The Queen and I shed what remained of our garments (no time like the present) and went out to do a little rain dance (No we are not native Americans). It felt so good. And a little weird, at the same time. We were naked, outside, in the rain. We just stood there out of breath and holding each other in the downpour. It rained for about an hour and a half, I think that first day, and then the sun came back out to kind of dry everything out before nightfall. Well, as dry as things get in the tropics anyway.

The Queen and I let the sun dry us off (mostly) before we went back to the room to dress for dinner. Dinner was nothing really special. I think I'd compare the food at HEDO to that of a Windjammer cruise. It’s good and filling, but not really a gourmet feast. Well, depending on the day anyway. Some days are better for eating than others. They both have their pluses and minuses. Pluses for the most part.

It is very tough to explain the atmosphere at dinnertime (or any mealtime except breakfast for that matter) I don’t know if I can explain it adequately. But I’ll try…Part of the reason any one should go to Hedonism is to people watch. Or to SHOW OFF(!) Some of the outfits that are worn to dinner are real eye POPPERS! I won't go into too many details here, but depending on what kind of crowd is there, you wouldn’t be paying too much attention to what’s on your plate (!).

The Queen and I are not much of the crowd who likes to show off, but we're not wallflowers either. With all the alcohol (and other stuff) flowing you would have to be DEAD to not be affected.

We finished our dinner (and the floorshow) and headed back to the room via the beach. THE TREE FROGS ARE MAKING A TREMENDOUS RACKET!! It was almost deafening in places. It seemed kind of comforting though.

There were vendors on the beach (in the water) at NIGHT(!) “Pssst. Pssst.” “

No Mon, we’re good.” For all I knew one of ‘em could have been the same guy I talked to in the afternoon.

We got back to the room and just kind of sat there and listened to the night sounds. Decided to go for a walk, found one of those hidey-holes mentioned earlier and just sat there, holding each other and let Jamaica just soak in…AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…I could feel the tension leaving the Queen’s body. It was so great. And I…just…relaxed…Felt…the…tension…and…stress…flow…out and away. Then take a little time for…s-l-o-w-l-y making love. In the incredible, jungle like atmosphere, under the stars. WOW! The feeling is indescribable. How delicious!

What a wonderful sensation. I don’t think I had ever experienced anything like that. I was happy and contented to share it with the Queen.

It was getting close to bedtime for us (finally). We had been awake for something like thirty-six hours straight. Stumbled our way through the bush for a soak in the biggest hot tub I had ever seen. It could easily seat 50 people. We had it pretty much all to ourselves for a while. Half an hour or so…and that was long enough. We tiptoed back to the room, toweled off, and fell into bed for a long night’s sleep.

It had a beautiful day and I couldn’t think of any one I would've rather shared it with than the Queen of my heart.

Chapter VI – The LAY Of The Land

2004-11-22T23:24:00.000-06:00

Yes, there are hidey-holes around the grounds if one is looking for privacy. Hammocks and picnic tables abound the grounds as well.

There are basically 2 sides to the resort: The nude side and the prude side. I suppose it is possible to stay on one side or the other and not see a nude (or a prude) all week, except at meal times. And show times, etc…some people say there are actually 2 resorts in one. Nudes and prudes don’t mix. Personally I did not find this to be true. But the Prude beach was nearly empty ALL week!

Lunch was served buffet style (as were all meals) and was a mix of foods from the US and Jamaica. There are two other restaurants on-site. One serves Italian/Jamaican fare (A pretty good mix). The other serves more traditional Jamaican fare. Those two are open for dinner only. And reservations are required. After lunch we walked over to the bar and got the first of many alcoholic libations.

We decided to walk down to the beach and on over to the room. Our room was on the NUDE side. Quite a scary prospect. We walked down the path towards the ‘prude’ beach. The water was calling me. An Aquarian and true to my nature, a real water baby. The water was...So BLUE, so GREEN. Once we got beach side we discovered our drinks were in need of replenishment.

There are also two beach bars. You guessed it, one nude, one prude. They use pretty standard cocktail glasses there (We had been warned and had 32 oz. Insulated mugs in the ROOM!).
There are also 2 beach grills (yep, nude and prude.)

So we got got our drinks recharged and took off in the direction of the room via the beach. There were some vendors (legal stuff and extra) over by the volleyball area and some vendors in the water (!) I was pretty anxious to get wet by this point but hadn’t changed into a suit. Gave the Queen the room key and whatever cash I had, dropped my shoes and went and stood in the sea (up past my knees) and talked to one of the vendors(!) Pretty standard stuff. How ya doin’, where you from, etc…All in all it was a pretty interesting conversation ‘til we got to the bargaining table. 'What fine wares you have mi fren’.' I purchased more than enough for the week we were going to be there. The guy had paper as well and was more than willing to part with a few sheaves. I overpaid, but not too much, I hope. But probably made my new friend’s week…No need to go into those details, but we were capable of being pretty stupid for the week. So, we continued on up the beach (I was temporarily sated, wet beyond the knees and all) towards the room with our package.

Past the (nude) volleyball court there is the massage shack that was the original Delroy’s bar. Beyond that (Oh my!) the beach stretches up to the property line where the nude bar \ grill \ pool \ hot tub are. And the edge of the property.

A few more words need to be said about the beach. It’s not the biggest or even the best beach the Queen and I have ever been on. It is quite beautiful though.

Sea grape trees provide shade all the way down to the water line. A lot of sun hits the beach as well, but if you want shade you can get it. Erosion looks to have stolen a bit of the shore as well. The sand on the beach is made up of big grains. When you step into the water your feet tend to sink in a little bit as the sand is not packed that hard. There are also fresh water showers spaced along the beach, so you can rinse the sand and salt off before you head back to your room. They have two rafts floating about 10 – 20 yards off the shore. An abundance of beach lounges, belies the fact that this place can get pretty crowded. (The resort was about two thirds full when the Queen and I were there in mid July). A small sea wall tries to protect the shoreline from erosion (a losing battle, of course) and there are steps down to the water at a couple of points. The sea wall ends at about the bar / grill area and there is a little hook like peninsula there that provides direct access to the waterfront. There is no surf to speak of except right before the afternoon rains. There are also a lot of blow up floaties, rafts, etc…brought by guests and left when their vacation is over. There must be at least a hundred of the things at any given time. The water of course, is clear and bluegreen and not too deep. And Oh so inviting.

The beach reminded me of some of the nicer beaches in North and Central Florida where I grew up, that had trees on the beach. These, I am sure are long gone now. Lost to the developer’s axes (or more likely, chain saws). I think they were mostly gone before I moved to Texas in ’76. At this point the Queen and I were on tropical beauty overload and decided to head back to the room for a little while. As we were opening the door to the room, I noticed that by the hot tub there was a drink dispenser with ice and soft drinks and a frozen drink dispenser as well. We were empty once again, so I decided to see what was available for drinks. Naturally I also had to see what was in the frozen dispenser. Turned out to be a not too shabby frozen Rum Punch. As I turned to go back to the room, I realized (again) that this WAS the Nude pool and it was full of Nude people. Or maybe they were naked people. I felt a little self conscious, as I was the only one around that was fully clothed and tried not to stare and look like a complete rube, again. But I had never seen so many nude (naked?) people (of all shapes, colors and sizes) in one spot before. So I tripped (literally) back into the room to take a shower, as I felt pretty grungy from traveling.

Did I mention we were exhausted?

Chapter V – TexasT’s and the Queen Take the Plunge or Oh My Gawd! What Have We Got Ourselves Into?

2004-11-22T23:08:00.000-06:00

The Queen and Texas T’s are not now, nor have they ever been nudists. (Except for that time on the golf course! But that’s all…REALLY!…Heh heh...) And we still ain’t. But if Hedonism doesn’t loosen you up a little bit, then you are probably DEAD!You can’t hang out with a bunch of naked people and not lose some of your inhibitions. It might take a while, but eventually some of it falls away. Even if only temportarily. I had hoped I lost that inhibition thing for good while I was there. (But I haven't)

But I am a romantic devil at heart…And will try anything once for the Queen.

The closer it got to our departure date, the more nervous I got about, you know, the nude thing. I spent a lot of time in correspondence with other folk that were going to HEDO in July or had already been going for years and years. Most of the veterans told me, “Don’t worry. S’no problem, mon. Every body’s naked”

Easy for long timers to say. NOT so easy for first timers to DO!

The walk up to the dining room for lunch was uneventful. Except for those NUDISTS hangin’ out behind every bush, waitin’ to jump out at you when you walk by. BOO!

Except it wasn’t like that…Not at all.

HEDONISM II (lovingly called HEDO by her regular guests) is a very beautiful, if older resort. Yes, she shows her age in different ways. The size of the trees. The apparent age of the buildings. The rooms at HEDO are another way she shows her age, but what the hell, the only time you spend in your room was to sleep (mostly). The grounds at HEDO are very, very lush with flowers, trees and such. The beauty of the place is ASTOUNDING!

The Queen was still ‘oohing’ and ‘ahhing’ over the vegetation. I didn’t have to feign interest, as on my days off from his regular job the Queen often recruits him to give her a hand (Usually around the start of the Holiday season, but that's another story all together). And I am happy to do so because it means we can have a little more time together. I told you I was a romantic devil.

But I digress....

Chapter IV – Hedonism At Last! or HOLY SMOKES!! Those People Are-!?!

2004-11-22T17:34:00.000-06:00

We all walk from the plane while some fella loads the luggage onto a two-wheeler. Our little group heads towards a little gate.

“Just a little while longer now,” I say to the Queen, 'cause I'm getting a real bad case of gator tail. My ass is draggin'.

It’s between 1 and 2 PM at this point, I think. But I don't really know because I took my watch off sometime ago and I am not planning to put it back on until the day we leave (and this causes some scheduling problems, later). Hell, I am not even sure where it is at this point!

“Smells like a concert around here,” the Queen.

And yes, there is a certain tang in the air as a salesman tries to get us to buy his wares. “Buy my phatties, buy my phatties” he sings.

Even the longhair from Dallas is smiling. Reminded me of growing up in Florida. Used to be a lot of good Jamaican Ganja running through my town. Even knew a couple of Jamaicans when I was in High school. Met them through mutual 'friends'.

The stuff they brought in was capable of knocking an elephant down.

Dallas asks us if they want to share a cab. “Sorry man, we are only going across the street.” The Queen and I get a cab and negotiate the rate, throw our stuff in the back, and climb into the cab. It was a very short ride and we are pulling up to the entrance at Hedonism II. I get out of the cab and the driver helps the Queen out of the cab. He unloads our bags and I give him the fare and a tip.

I am sure I paid too much for that ride.

I join the Queen on the curb and we walk together into the reception area to check in.

Everybody’s saying stuff like, “Welcome home” or “It’s good to be among friends”

Check in goes without a hitch and we get the room keys and the safe lock. About the time I stand up and turn around, this big (BIG) guy snatches the envelope with the keys in it. “First time here?” he asks.

“Ya, mon,” says us.

“Hedo VIRGINS, got a coupla HEDO VIRGINS, here!!” he bellows. Then he says to us, “You guys have a very nice room, very close to the action. I’m Big Mike. Where you guys from?” With that he snatches the bags and takes off, presumably in the direction of their room. We follow, lagging somewhat behind because the Queen is somewhat enthralled by the vegetation. That makes me smile. She does this every time we go to the Caribbean. It’s hard for her to believe that plants she struggles to keep alive in an atrium or office are thriving here and are so HUGE!

“Texas,” I reply to Big Mike.

“Look at this,” the Queen says fingering the branches of a tree. “This is an agloeneama and it’s a FRIGGEN TREE!?” I look and see...it’s true. In atriums and offices in Texas, this looks more like a bush. On the way down Big Mike and I chat about the weather in Texas and Jamaica and other nonsensical stuff while the Queen ooohs and ahhhhs over the vegetation. We finally get to the room and Mike opens the door and ushers us inside. Our room is right by the Hot Tub / Pool / Cool water Jacuzzi area. He tries the safe key and the bugger does NOT work. So he collars some resort employee walking by and sends him up to get the correct one. Then he walks over to the window, flings the curtains open, opens the window, and yells, “Got some new friends here, TexasT’s and The Queen from TEXAS! Take good care of them!!!” Most of the folk in the pool turn and wave and yell some kind of greeting. The Queen is now blushing a pretty good shade of pink despite her glowing tan. Most of the folk in the immediate vicinity are in various forms of undress if not completely naked(!).

I was blushing pretty good myself. The right safe lock and key eventually arrives (Soon come!) and we bid Big Mike adieu. After we catch our breath, we head up to the dining room for lunch and a drink.

It’s about this time that I start to think about the day we have had so far. “All the Jamaicans we’ve come in contact with are so open and friendly.” I'm starting to think, “I could live here.” (happens every time)

Wishful thinking that only gets worse as the week goes on…

Chapter III - TexasT's & the Queen Arrive At Their Destination - Finally!

2004-11-22T04:20:00.000-06:00

There are actually two terminals at the MOBAY Airport. International air traffic uses the "new" terminal.

The "commuter" terminal is actually the Old airport. It certainly looks older and is for local service (Jamaica) only. There are quite a few enterprises, mostly small prop jobs, going on there for transport anywhere on the island.

The taxi ride was just transport to the “old” or Commuter terminal.

At the other end of our Commuter flight, the Aerodrome at Negril, on the other hand, is a "daylight only" facility and can not be used at night or in inclement weather because there are no runway lights(!)

The Queen and I made it to the (Commuter?) terminal without incident (vibrating or otherwise). Another man meets us at the curb, puts the bags on a 2-wheeler and says, "Follow me, mon." Well, since he's got the luggage, after giving the driver a tip, we follow him. We go over to the BurlAir counter, where we meet this nice gyal who asks, "Cash or credit?"

"Cash," was the ready reply. As I'd heard about a little thing called a credit card Surcharge (One or two percent charge over and above actual charges) we came prepared with extra cash.

"That will be 120US, then"

"We negotiated with Tim at the other terminal for 100US," I say.

She looks at me kinda funny, like I wasn't supposed to do that kind of thing (except maybe here at the counter) and says, "Just a minute, Mr. Hynds." and gets on the phone, presumably to call Tim on his cell because the one side of the conversation I can hear is going so fast in patois that I can only catch a word every once in a while. She hangs up with him and makes another call. It's about this time that I notice the little kiosk where Red Stripes can be purchased. So we leave the gyal to work it all out, walk over and get our first REAL Red stripes. (The stuff they sell in the states is a different beer. The real thing is closer to Malt liquor.)

Beer...It's not just for breakfast anymore!

The gyal gets off the phone after a few minutes and calls me over, "Mr. Hynds, everyting is in order. Plane will be ready in about 20 minutes. That will be 100US, please." I fork over five twenty dollar bills for which she gives me a receipt. I join the Queen outside to wait for the plane, have a smoke, and finish our Stripes. The twenty minutes comes and goes, so the Queen goes into the terminal and over to the counter and asks about it while I go over and get a couple more Stripes and go back out side. After a minute or so the Queen comes back outside smilin'.

"Well?" I ask.

"I guess I've been properly chastened. Soon come, mon," replies the Queen and cracks up. Since we had decided to go to Jamaica and had been on the negril.com board, we had used that so much around the house that it had become kind of a private joke between us.

Basically, “Soon come” means “it will be ready when it’s ready”

Pretty soon this guy from BurlAir walks up and asks, " Are you the other 2 for Negril?"

"Ya mon," says the Queen.

"Follow me, please," he says and starts walking towards the tarmac.

It's then that we get acquainted with this nice guy from Dallas who fell in behind us. He’s got longish hair and a beard and is dressed pretty casually. I think he was on the flight from Houston, but I'm not really sure.

"Please keep in single file behind me and walk this way."

Picture it, you've got the guy from BurlAir leading, the Queen following behind him, me behind her, and the hippie from Dallas bringing up the rear. He's kind of leading us on a parade march around some of the other planes. Then he breaks out into this combination of the 3 stooges, Inspector Cluesou, and the ministry of silly walks thing. The Queen and I are right there with him for every step. The hippy from Dallas is looking at the 3 of us like we are all crazy! The Queen and the guy from BurlAir are cracking up. When they finally get to the little plane, I am laughing so hard, tears are streaming down my face.

They make intros all around. I felt compelled to ask, "You do that with all your customers?"

"No Mon, just the ones that are special. I could tell you two were." Yeah, right. But what the hell, weren't we on vacation? "Where you guy's stayin'?" he asks.

"Hedonism," says the Queen and I in unision.

"Oh, You stayin' at the ZOO! You gonna have a good time there!"

Hedonism resorts, and there are two in Jamaica, are referred to as "The Zoo" by Jamaicans.

"Ya, Mon!"

The pilot arrives, jumps in the plane, and cranks 'er up, says hello to everybody, and we're off down the runway and into the air in a jiffy. The pilot gets up to cruising altitude pretty quickly. He flies along the coast. Jamaica is beautiful from the air. You could have flown a 747 into my mouth at that point, my jaw had dropped so far.

I don't know whyit is but every time I go to the Caribbean the water does that to me. There is just something about that part of the sea. So clear, so BLUE, and so GREEN! My eyes well up just from the beauty of it all. It won’t be the last time that week it happens.

For a little while I even forgot to drink my Red Stripe. By the time I remembered I was holding one, it had gotten warm.

In a short while we are getting ready to land. The pilot lines up with the runway and descends. The little plane bounces down the runway for a ways and pulls up to the terminal at the Negril Aerodrome and everyone disembarks.

LOOK OUT NEGRIL! TEXAS T'S & THE QUEEN HAVE ARRIVED!! (Did I mention we were exhausted?)

Chapter II - More Airport Adventures or "Everyting negotiable"

2004-11-21T15:19:00.000-06:00

As we walked out of Baggage claim, the fact that we were once again in the Caribbean became quickly apparent as the crush at the airport was full of folks trying to give ALL of the arriving passengers rides. The Queen got a little ahead of me as I was dragging the big bag along behind me. It had a strange feeling to it. The handle was v-vib-b-rating (!) How the hell did THAT get through customs without being tagged for search and seizure! I was going to stop and check that out, but about the time I stop another crush of Jamaica bound passengers came from baggage claim. So I headed around the corner to the left towards the Superclubs desk and just about ran over the Queen and this Jamaican guy in heated negotiation.

"Wassup?" I ask.

"Guy says he can fly us to Negril for 60US each," says the Queen.

"Ya Mon, 15 minute flight or 2-1/2 hour bus ride, fi true!" replies the guy whom in a few minutes I find out his name is Tim.

Tim is wearing a shirt that indicates he works for an oufit named BurlAir.

I can see the Queen is wavering and not looking forward to the bus ride from Hell. We had heard about that on the Negril message board as well. So I prop my vibrating bag against one of my legs and decide to try my negotiating skills (I was a Buyer for a multinational corporation, in a former life, before I fell into my current assignment in the Information Technology organization) as I had been told by seasoned boardies to "Higgle". Higgling is the native form of haggling.

"Is the plane full?" I ask.

"Will be 'fore dey take off," says Tim.

"Tim, 60US for a full plane is too much. 40US each!" I reply.

"It's a small plane, mon!" Tim counters with, "55 each!"

"45US, man" says I.

"Can't do dis for under 55, Mon"

"You seem like a nice guy, Tim. But you know we can ride the bus for free...C'mon my Queen, our carriage awaits over yonder!" I start to pull my bag over to the Superclubs desk. The Queen is looking pretty dismayed, but starts to come along. A guy from a competing airline, Timair, tries to stop us. I look over my shoulder at Tim and raise an eye brow.

"Okay mon, you can ride for 50US each," Tim calls after us.

"SOLD!!" I proclaim.

Tim comes over and grabs the bag, he gets a (momentarily) funny look on his face when he grabs the handle and leads us out of the terminal to a car that's waiting. We throw the luggage in the back.

Tim asks me, "what in de bag mon?"

I momentarily stop trying to think of what the hell he's talking about (did I tell you we were exhausted?). "Shit! I forgot the bag is vibrating." So I go around to the back of the car, feel the bag so I can figure out where it's coming from. I open the bag...root around for a minute...and find...my cordless...ELECTRIC SHAVER, which had some how gotten turned on and was threatening to chew a hole in the ditty bag. I turn the thing off, and hold it up for Tim to see, put it back in the bag and close it, and jump in the car.

Tim leans in and asks, "You need anyting, mon? Anyting you want I can get!" with just the right inflexion that lets us know he means some extralegal substances.

I'm thinking, 'Jeez we ain't even left the airport yet' "No man, we’re good. But thanks for the offer," I reply.

"Dis guy take good care of you guys. He take you over to da terminal to catch the plane," Tim says with a smile. And we're off! The driver pulls away from the curb with a toot toot of his horn and a screech of rubber. And that's the last we see of Tim.

The driver turns and asks us, "You sure you don't need anyting, Mon?"

Chapter I - Airport Adventures

2004-11-21T11:34:00.000-06:00

It is impossible to tell you how much we needed this vacation. It had been four years, since our last real vacation. We slowly ticked the days off until they were in single digits.

Then Houston seemed to fall into a space-time wormhole because every day seemed 48hrs long.

About three days out, the Queen realized that we were leaving on Sunday and was ready to go then! She felt useless at work. Hell! I had been more than ready to go (Read: Really USELESS at work) for a MONTH! Regular posters (boardies) at the negril.com message board had seen my posts.

Finally Sunday morning (Saturday night) arrived and we drove in darkness to the airport at four AM to catch their seven-something AM flight on Air Jamaica (AIRJAM) direct to Montego Bay (MOBAY). This was a relatively new service. Air Jamaica out of HOUSTON! Unheard of! Unthinkable! So after a little mis-start. (I parked at the wrong Parking lot at the airport). We made their way to the shuttle bus that would take us to the terminal. We were checked in at AIRJAM by 5:45.

I wondered, "Why do they make you show up TWO hours in advance for your flight?" This was pre - September 11. Now we had time to kill and I hate to waste time in airports.

Did I mention we were exhausted?

We plopped down in a couple of seats at the gate. The next thing I am aware of is the Queen shaking me, "They called our row, C'mon".

"Ya Mon," I responded and took off down the Jet way.

The plane was loaded forthwith and we took off with a hearty, "No Problem, mon!" Next stop Montego Bay!

Do you know that REAL food is served on Air Jamaica! Real hot entrées! “'Pon my word!” Complimentary RED STRIPES or CHAMPAGNE as well! I was in party mode but still, you know, 8:00 am is still a little early so I opted for coffee and juice with breakfast. I later thought I should have had the Red Stripe, as the coffee was awful!.

Jamaica does not do daylight savings time, so at that time of year TEXAS is on JAMAICAN time. I didn't even have to change my watch. Hell, once the Queen and I were through customs I took the thing off and didn't look at it again for days!

We arrived in Montego Bay with no problems, cleared customs in about 30 minutes in spite of large crowds.

A band was there just like I had heard from the message board..."Welcome to my Island!" they sang.

ALL RIGHT... TexasT’s and the Queen HAD ARRIVED!!!

Preface

2004-11-21T11:25:00.000-06:00

Join TexasT's and the Queen as they embark on an offbeat adventure to take Jamaica by storm.

We were looking for a different type of vacation. And boy did we get it! We were to stay at a notorious all inclusive resort on the west coast of Jamaica. For those that do not know, All Inclusive means everything (drinks, meals, watersports, etc.)you do at the resort is covered. These are (usually) large, gated resorts where some claim you do not get the true flavor of the country in which you are visiting.

The resort sits a little north of Negril's famous 7 mile beach! Negril was discovered by westerners (mostly Hippies) in the 1960's and early 70's and is still pretty much a haven for the wacky and off beat! Back then if you wanted to get to Negril it was quite a trek. The roads were practically non-existent and there was no airport.

All that has changed now of course. And it is not so much of a trek to get there. Construction of the highway into a modern 4 lane roadway was at last report completed and there is a small, daylight only airfield, the Negril Aerodrome.